When I was only 8, I lived in a place far from the city where rice fields laid, roads were not paved, and horse-wagon was what moved us around. It was the year when my parents decided to sent me off to get a better education outside there. They thought I wouldn't get anything close to good if they kept me in a school nearby. At that time, I didn't complain, I let go of my past there without hesitation, in fact, not even a tear was shed when it came to school farewell.
Long story short, I moved to Bandung and it was my grandparents who took care of me for years after. I guess it was what made me so fond of my grandparents.
My grandparents weren't those who came with a stack of gold. My grandma was a labor worker in a garment factory close to our house and my grandpa sold mie kocok at a roadside nearby. I grew up watching my grandpa woke up at 3 in the morning. Oftentimes it was when I was still in my deep sleep, but every once in a while I woke up to see him get prepared before he zoomed off to buy all mie kocok ingredients. He'd slowly wore his cheap old chrome watch, his sagging vest-jacket, and put his dull peci on his head. He'd go with a pair of 'shopping bags' made of used rice sacks then gone in the dark and and misty morning. He'd come back to the house at 5 am and bring me some martabak ketan hitam when he could because he knew I like it so much. Abah would start to cook shortly after he arrived at home. It was a labor of work as everyone under the roof got to do their own part to help abah ready for the mie kocok booth. I think it's the discipline he taught us for years.
Abah pushed his mie kocok trolley at 10AM sharp. It took him 20-30 minutes to push the trolley until it reached this selling spot. Because he shared the place with a pangkalan ojek, these drivers knew me as Abah's grandkid and I felt like I had many uncles at that time. Three times a day, my grandma would send 2 jerry cans of hot water as the kuah mie kocok tank needed to be filled up. I followed my grandma every time she delivered water cans, we would walk for 10 minutes from home, my chitty-chatty mouth was the only friend to my grandma's trip. When I get older and strong enough to lift the jerry can, I helped my grandma to deliver additional 2 jerry cans so we could send more at once. Abah would give me money to buy snacks then. He said the money is a tip for my hard work of carrying the jerry cans hahaha. At first, it's because of the snacks money, but as I grew older I notice that seeing my grandpa is the highlight of my day. I often stay late until 9 in the evening to wait for Abah back home. It's always exciting to welcome him home after his long day at the roadside.
Abah lived in many limitations, but he never makes any compromise when it comes to education, 3 of 4 of his children made it to get a bachelor's degree from public universities in Bandung. He said, "keun bae dahar jeung uyah asal budak bisa sakolah" (I'd better eat rice and salt as long as my children are able to get some education). That's why he's so strict about my education as well. Abah is the one who exposed me to cassette collections. He had this large cupboard consisting of his cassette collections. His favorite was Darso's or anything related to Sundanese songs. One day he made me listen to an audio-drama called Ratapan Anak Tiri. It was super sad and I cried every time I heard that. Abah told me it was only fiction and still, I cried for that. He'd laugh at me.
Abah rarely beside me when he's still active selling mie kocok, mostly because he's on the road a whole day. But Abah paid his debt to spend more time with his grandkid while he could. During Ramadhan when he stopped selling mie kocok and it's a whole month of day off for him. Every day he would take me around riding angkot just to kill time to wait for the maghrib adzan. Here we called it ngabuburit. Abah would buy me everything I wanted when mom said no (most of them, of course, was cheap. But it doesn't make any less of its meaning to me). Abah never complained when I asked him to bring me to the same place we visited a day before. But Abah was the one who'd get angry the most when I did something foolish. Abah rarely excited about things, but I know he's so proud of me. He's the most amusing grandpa. He wasn't the smartest but I'll never consider someone smarter than him when it comes to doing my Sundanese subject homework.
Abah couldn't stay at home doing nothing. After he decided to retire, he made, built, repaired everything. From household appliances to his grandchildrens' school tasks. Abah is the one who's really crafty. Living long in a financially limited condition emerged his creative side to make the most of everything. I remember how he built shoe racks and laundry stand from used water pipes. He'd repair every of house appliances with his own hand and he seemed very very happy to do that. Abah is also a great Indomie cook. Part of it might be because he's a mie kocok cook, part of it might be because he cooked it for me. Until the very end of his life, I never got to taste any Indomie cook better than my grandpa's.
My grandpa, my lovely grandpa, passed away this morning after staying for a couple of days in the ICU. I was lucky to visit him a month ago even though he was weak and very skinny. It's just ... nothing hurts me more than realizing that Abah was so old and he refused to eat anything at that time. He was already sick and it felt like he didn't get to express what's been a burden to him. Maybe he's exhausted from being weak and unable to get around like the old days. I felt like I didn't help him as much as he helped me. I wish I spend more time with him.
During our last meeting, I told him to have something to eat even just a bit. He joked around and said "sigana mah kudu diburuhan siga budak leutik" ("I think you have to give me tip money so that I would eat, just like kids"). I only laughed at that time. The conversation flashed me back to 20 years ago when he used to give me tip money for every jerry can I carried, that day it's him who asked for a tip money. If only I knew it was our last chance to meet each other in this world, I would give him any amount he wanted without any further consideration.
Abah, see you in another world. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for all the good things you did for everyone. I'm sorry that I'm not there yet to become the best for you. Thank you for the memories, values, jokes, sad cassette stories, and time you spent with me. You've done really good in life and I will cherish it for the rest of my life. I missed you already.. I missed you so much but I'm happy now you're in the good hand. Rest easy, Abah. Love you much to the 7th heaven and back.
Remembering Endang Arifin (1943-2021)
Allahummaghfirlahu warhamhu wa’aafihi wa’fu’anhu..
